Anyway, so I just finished watching it an yeaaa sure it was a warm happy ending and all but I couldn’t help but be frustrated through out the movie. It was just such a let down compared to what I saw in the trailer and what I thought I had put on my plate. In the trailer I saw vivacious women with revenge sweetly in the palms of their hands, with witty ideas trickling down the sides of their faces like sweat, women who would recover from being the mop head, bath robed mother and transform into a sex kitten…but…I was sadly let down.

There was no big play by play transformation (I am a HUGE sucker for those, you know, think Miss Congeniality/Princess Diaries-esque type of make-overs?)…just one straightening of the hair and snug clothes in the last 10 minutes of the movie. MMHMM. It was sort of just everywhere and didn’t really follow through with any target.

: ( And to think all this time I was so excited.

My summer has been going GRANDLY, I can’t even believe that 2 months have passed by in a whirl of soap bubbles, mixed grill meat hot plate meals, instant noodles with sunny-side eggs and cheddar smokies (Those are delicious babes), almond iced coffees, all-you-can-eat gag fests, t-pain tans on my feet…oh just a world of events that pass by so quickly but so enjoyable : ) I have never had a summer quite like this one…You are amazing <3 I love You

Buh buh buh buh…I blame the heat…I blame the window…I blame..oh I don’ know there isn’t ven anything to blame on! And usually I take pleasure in blaming anything for all of my lifes failures and dissatisfactions. I’m going to kick myself if I fall asleep at 2am and hve to wak up all groggy nd sleep-deprived (most likely) at 4:30 withan odd ringing in my ears (usuallu happens when I am sleep deprived) But on the positive side, maybe my zombie energy wil carry onwards throughout the course of tomorrow.

Oh sweet little sheeps come into my mind so I may count thee…who even came up with counting SHEEP? When didsheep jump oer fences? Seriously, do sheeps even jump?

Um. That’s all : ) I can not wait until my laptop comes back…the week is going by ever so slowly

And here I am tapping away on my Pc…I don’t know how I will manage to fall asleep this week without my laptop/Oc to lure me to sleep : ( I’m too panse to sit down here until 1am (my usual sleeping time) and I really have nothing to do in my room until 1am…

Today was an extremely productive shopping day : ) I feel alright again, I have been lacking a wardrobe for the longest time ever.

Hm…so I’m not particularly looking forward to this Saturday…I feel like it’s my obligations though which I must fulfil. But I guess it shan’t be that bad.

I need more crafty supplies. UGH. Once again, I’m lazy though and to walk there….mmmm maybeee….but then I have to exchange my mother’s pants tomorrow as well…hmmm

Really random choppy material, sorry, lack of a train of thought to keep everything in sequence.

On the other note, I hope mother does not get the impression that I can live with this Razr for that long, nuuuu. I can not.

I wonder what the trick to that Zen game is…why can’t I find my inner peace for longer than 52 seconds?!

- One Lucky Girl -

While being the avid blog reader (or creeper might be more fitting), I ran across this and as wowed, that is quite the imressive colection this little girl has. But I think what attracted me more was just the general neatness of it, I like when things are organized and color coordinated-not that I could ever pull off such a thing I’m far too sloggish. Her parents must be proud, though for me I would prefer more laces and frillies and polkadots an hearts.

I don’t know about you (actually I’m certain no one else reads my blog other than the possible 3, but all is well) but Irecently discovered that I have this mysterioius attachment to my phone. It needs to be with me or within hands distance at ALL TIMES otherwise I feel awkward and ucomfortable. Even at night time when my phone is less than 50% charged and I need to charge it by the wall (about 5 steps away from my bed … I feel like my skin is stripped and I am butt naked in a void when I walk away from my phone. Strange no?

I had an excellent day today : ) spent it with my favoritest girl under the sweltering heat (usually happens before a rain/thunder storm) doing what we do best, popcorn eating, balloon bowing, breakfast eating, walking around, laughing, slick hand holding etc etc : ) I love You so much, and I really hope you aren’t feeling too sick. : ( Get plenty of rest, don’t let the swine catch you baby girl : )

So I had a bad dream and can’t afford the mentality to go through it again, it was one of those that you want desperately to scream and cry but only to find that you can’t. You don’t know why, but your body seems like it no longr belongs to you.

What would I do without my laptop sitting patiently on the floor or my room after waking up from last night…? I’m not even sure what tim I finaly managed to…fall asleep, “drifting off to sleep” could’t possibly describe, last night alI know is that my mind was bordering bad dream and consciousness. My bad dream mind wanted to wake up from it, my consciousness wanted so badly for the night hours (or early morning) to slip by and so tells my bad dream mind to endure it a little bit longer…hang in there a little bit longer

Unsettling feelings rocking the pit of my stomache. Why? I don’t know,  I forgot most of the reasons and that bad dream was so nerve racking…tied my stomache all up in knots. I guess when you think so hard about somthing it gets you in your sleep? What scares me is that the first part already came true…

(Thank God for WordPress saving drafts…I idiotically pressed the RESTART NOW button instead of POSTPONE. A part of me died inside watching my laptop shut down and start updating slowly…rolling over on the end of my bed looking out the window at the blue sky.)

Aside from being here at 6am, shakened, scared, mass of knots weighing down my insides, bloodshot fishballs….I am….calm? No not so much calm as maybe … dazed? Seems like I’m in some strange trance. This morning feels surreal. I’m not unhappy, just shakened by the bad dream.

Thanks for talking to me last night : ) Sometimes I know it’s all there but it takes one other person to pick up the pieces and bring it to your face. I don’t know what I would have done if you were not there either….thank you thank you : ) I woke up saw that offline message and smiled, a little of my nerves calm down a bit. When I feel alone in the vast darkness of the night, you shine on me. When you say “It’s okay” I believe it, because somehow you always end up being right, countless times when I’ve fallen, when I’ve gone in well over my head, when my heart remains scattered you always end up being right. and you are always Here.  You know I’m here for you. 

What else am I good for?…just to be here.  Ghost.

- – - – - – - – - — – - – - – -

                                                                 &白天不懂夜的黑

Yeah you’re still alright

Yeah you’re still alright

Yeah you’re still alright

Yeah you’re still alright

No one said it was easy, but ever one knws it’s worth it.

- – - – -

                                                           &whereare you

I must admit and pat my own shoulder for fending off most of the Creature, usually I argue my point to the core of the earth but lately with You I let my point shrivel up and fall deflated on the ground. And I feel the Creature creeping up and threatening to break lose but I’ve been able to keep it down and chase it away, I feel it tickling at my throat but I’m able to keep my mouth clamped shut. Swallow. And it slinks away defeated.

I wish I could have Tom or something and get rid of these hormones. Oh Monster. Ugh. I’m tired of dealing with myself. Wake me up when it’s over.

This cynical John Safran is amusing me atm

If you’re worried about the way you look,
try to remember you’re probably fatter than you think.
Maybe you should consider an eating disorder.

Don’t worry too much about the future.

If you’re nervous about an exam,
ring up your school at the scheduled time and make a bomb threat.

If you’re a girl, lie about period pains to get out of anything that you don’t want to do.

Cheat if you think you can get away with it.
Remember, someone with richer parents is getting private tuition.

Shoplift as often as you can.
Shopping centres factor shop lifting into their prices
so if you don’t do it, it’s like they’re getting money for free.

When you’re on work experience,
steal a cabcharge and take a taxi to Perth.

Wear sunscreen, but only if its that coconut oil that gives you cancer.

Keep your old love letters.
If you see an old lover in the street,
try to run them over in your car.

- Lack of Light -

Ironic how only yesterday I was blogging praise for the cold temperatures smothering the city and it takes only one small rude awakening to prod me off the balloon I was floating along. Down I fall until dirt covers both my knees, tears sting my eyes and stream down my face- uncontrollable.

The Gloom takes over me like the Night, rids my mind completely of ability to be reasonable and logical, tears down the barriers the Sun puts up for me guardng me from these nonsensical spears, and pulls me down hard to the ground. Suffocating me, intoxicating me with these thoughts that refuse to leave my mind, pinning me to the ground without a chance to fight back. I try looking for loopholes, I try crawling up with every effort I can muster. But the Gloom has powers I can not describe…could this be some sort of chronic emotional linkage to dreary weather?

I always forget to remember…that everyone has a mind of their own. I need to confess that I’ve been keeping a creature inside my mind, holed up in the back of my head just underneath logic and sense. I have always been aware of the damage It is capable of, its ability to take over my mind and control what comes out of my mouth and what actions I decide to act on. I overestimate my own willpower to control It and underestimate the fierocity at which It tackles my filters. I’ve been feeding this creature day by day…the idea of not controlling it and shooing It away is feeding it, giving it more energy to act and destruct. This creature begins to grow obnoxiously…with thoughts that feel It is far superior to any other mortal intelligence, that It has wisdom man kind has not discovered but the creature is terribly wrong. I am aware of the wrongful thinking the creature builds up on, but perhaps I am too weak to fight back. But I am now. I am putting forth all my efforts, conjuring all of the remaining sense that backs away at the shadow of this creature and forcing it to stand it’s ground. Every one has their own brain.

This creature forces words out that makes me come out as naggy, worrisome, a fretter, unnecessary stresser…making me articulate words of “advice”, simple tasks that the other person is already WELL AWARE OF. Fuck off Creature, leave me the fuck alone.

I know You have been scared and worried just as I have been but what you need now is support and comfort not extra stress. I can only worry with you but stand tall and strong and give you the best comfort I can muster. I love You.

Surprisingly despite opening my eyes to not the usual stream of sunlight pouring across my pink carpet, but rather the chilly goosebump-type of wind blowing into my room and the dripping gray clouds clogging the skies- my eyes lit up like any other Friday because I knew I would be able to see You : ) And hearing news about this rain soaked weekend didn’t dampen my moods,rater the opposite I was excited to be taking a break from the sun (kind of not really, maybe just to escape the heat) but for the more shallow reason, to take a break from my daily I-HAVE-NOTHING-TO-WEAR syndrome which usually takes a spin for the worse during summer time. (The heat pretty much kills any remaining traces of style that I can muster) I am also very sensitive when it comes to  exposing my bare arms which leads me to talk about my recent obsession with my weight lately.  I feel like if I were to be a celebrity I could already see the headlines across all the tabloids and no-name gossip magazines lining the aisles of Superstore (you know, those ones who claim to find mermaids in tuna cans, discovering the four legged woman dancer, and the odd baning of super obese couples from all you can eat buffets etc etc.) “CHIANG: WALKING LARD BALL” “C FOR CHIANG, C FOR CURVES” “MAN I- AM OBESE- CHIANG WALKS THE RED CARPET” and so the list goes on. You’re probably reading this with your face pulled up in disgust, you know that look you put on before you sputter out “BUHHHH”. Teehee.

Today was a rather productive day for the Calgary Walkers, being able to satisfy all the cravings I’ve been gathering since I started watching Tokyo Walker again. THIS IS WHY YOU’RE FAT – because you watch that horrid and misleading show before bedtime every night. Skinny female hosts (especially hk) DO NOT scarf down meals as beastly as you do and still remain frail thin. I don’t know how they do it (the hongers I mean), what happened to that special gene that I should have as well? The gene that allows me to eat in massive amounts-calories, fatty foods, deep fried grease balls galore!